Real Parents, Real Children, Real Families

I first read this post in the blog of a friend. I cried the first time I read it, and still do. She gave me permission to include it in my own blog. I think it is important for any one who comes in contact with adoptive parents and their families to understand that certain comments, though well-intentioned, can be very painful for our families. The portion from my friends' blog is in italics.

My Own Child

I Did not plant you, True.
But when the season is done,
When the alternate Prayers for sun
And for rain are counted,
When the pain of Weeding
And the Pride of Watching are through,
I will hold you high.
A shining sheaf
Above the thousand
Seeds grown wild
Not my planting,
But by Heaven my harvest
My Own Child.
-Author Unknown

We’ve become sensitive, it seems. Certain phrases uttered by the news media in light of recent celebrity adoptions, or even phrases mentioned by our family and friends can make us cringe so easily.It wasn’t always that way. Before we pursued adoption we didn’t realize that many of the things we’ve said in the past may not only be offensive to adoptive parents, but may hurt their kids as well. We bring you this post not to make you feel badly if you are one of the friends or family who’ve said these things to us or other adoptive families, but so that maybe you’ll understand the weight of what you might say to future adoptive families you encounter.

Don’t assume that couples who have faced infertility want to become pregnant after adopting. Telling countless stories of a friend of a friend who got pregnant right after adopting belittles the choice to adopt. And, while everyone seems to have one of those stories, the statistics say it happens in less than 5% of previously infertile couples. Furthermore, don’t assume that everyone who adopts isn’t able to become pregnant. Unless you like to peep in other folks’ medicine cabinets, how do you know that we aren’t counting on our birth control pills to keep us from having biological children?

Please don’t ask us for details about our children’s birth families. We are the guardians of their stories. Our children are told their adoption stories a little at a time, and when they are old enough they will have all the details to share as they choose. It’s not that we are hiding some juicy secret, it is their story to tell, not ours.

Please don’t tell us that it doesn’t matter what race our children are, that love is color blind, and that our small towns are “getting better” in regards to diversity. Last I checked, my hometown school district had something like 1% or less Asian student population. I’ll consider it getting better when it’s closer to 10, 25, or 50 percent, or hey, how about our kids in the majority for once? Race does and will matter for our kids. It will matter to them that they don’t look like anyone else in their family. It will matter to them when their family and friends who love them minimize their experience of racism. Racism continues to exist and it’s a cold hard fact that our kids have and will face it. I have to comment on this because I have heard comments people make to us about myself and my children. Their comments are not always overtly racist but they make us, and especially my children, feel uncomfortable.

Don’t tell our kids how lucky they are that we adopted them. We’re not martyrs or saints. Our children shouldn’t have to grow up feeling indebted to us for adopting them. Their fate, had we not adopted them, was not necessarily a life of destitution. All children should have the right, not luck, to a have a loving family. We are the lucky ones for having the opportunity to parent them.

Don’t introduce our children as “Mira and James, who were adopted from South Korea” or “their adopted children.” Yes, we did adopt. Obviously. But adoption is not the only part of our children’s identities. How we came to be family is only part of who we are. I’m amazed that perfect strangers think it’s OK to ask what happend to our kids' "real" parents or if we are able to have children “of our own.” Imagine how a preschool aged child feels when they repeatedly overhear Mom and Dad being asked about their “real” parents, or overhearing comments that assume they are not children of our own. We are a real family. These children are our own. When James wakes eight times in the night and looks to us for comfort, he is our own. When Mira throws a tantrum in the grocery store and we are left to deal with it, she is our own. When we walk through the door and they have smiles for us, they are our own. When they laugh together like all siblings do, they are our own.

I think as an adoptive parent, we find it important that people understand that we are a real family and that these children are our real children. As I've talked with other adoptive moms, it is also important that we comment on the importance of our childrens first moms, birthmoms, moms in Korea. We are not their only family. Our children have mothers, fathers, maybe siblings in another country. When I think of my boys moms, I am so overwhelmed. These women are amazing people. They are just as important in my childrens' life as I am. These women created these children, they carried them, delivered them, and then made what was likely the most difficult decision of their lives... to let someone else raise them. Maybe these women knew during pregnancy that they wouldn't be able to parent them...maybe they tried to be a parent and discovered how difficult it was. Either way, like in the US, they had opportunities to terminate their pregnancy and did not. They chose to give life to these babies. Imagine how difficult it would be to look at the face of your newly born baby and know that you would not be parenting them. That you would not see their first steps, hear their first words, rock them to sleep, or comfort them when they were sick. Only a mother could love their child so much that they could make the choice to let someone else parent and have those experiences. Maybe these women have other children, and maybe they don't. Regardless, they became mothers when their child was born, and they remain mothers to this day...a real mother. They have earned the right to be called 'mother,' and I will gladly share that title and role with them in my sons' lives. These women (and the foster families which is a whole other blog) are as much a part of our family as any other family member. They gave us our children. What an incredible gift! They made a choice that is unimaginable to me... and they did it out of love. Out of love for their child...because they are a mom, and they always will be.

When I think of the boys' moms, I'm always reminded of the story in 1 Kings 3:16-27. It is about two mothers who each had a child. One baby died, and in the night its' mother took the baby from the other mother. They went to King Solomon both claiming to be the mother of the living child. He asked for a sword and said to solve the problem he would cut the child in two and each woman could have a half. The real mother cried out to give the baby to the other woman so it wouldn't die. King Solomon said, 'Give the baby to the woman who wants him to live, for she is the mother!' Granted, my children likely wouldn't have died if they had stayed with their first moms. But these moms were willing to let someone else raise their children so they could have the life they thought they should have.

“A mother’s love for her child is like nothing else in the world…it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path.” Agatha Christie

Just a few pictures

Just posting a few pictures that we've taken over the past few days. Henry loves to play baseball. He and Travis were out pitching, hitting, and catching on one of our first nice days. I got a variety of interesting action shots. I didn't post them, but love the facial expressions you get.
A picture of Andrew. Haven't taken too many of any of the boys over the past few days with everyone being sick. You'll notice the bib. It seems he always has one on because he's so drooly. No teeth yet though.
This was taken at the World Festival today. The boys wore their hanboks for the parade. They wouldn't walk alone with the other people in the Korea group, so we tried to walk unobtrusively along the side : ) After the parade, the boys got balloon animals. Only they chose the sword, of course. What would a boy pick. This is Charles, nearing the end of his patience, with his sword.
Henry and Dad. Henry was having a little trouble seeing the flag ceremony so he needed a shoulder ride.
Two boys..two swords... of course you'll get a sword fight. Thank goodness there just balloons.

Not much new here. The big boys are on the mend with much less coughing. The little boy is still sick with a fever, coughing, vomiting, not eating.... So far he doesn't appear to be dehydrated. He earned an albuterol treatment this evening when he scared us almost to death with what Travis said must have been a mucous plug. You medical folks will know what he means. It's hard to explain but he was having a little trouble breathing. Thank goodness it passed within a couple minutes, and he sounded much better. The albuterol treatment was fun for him since he spent the whole time trying to eat the mask. Henry and Charles are doing pretty well. Charles is catching up on all the sleep he missed while he was sick, and is in a much better mood already. We hope that by Monday he'll be almost back to normal.

A really busy day

I was so proud of Henry and Charles for the wonderful present they gave Andrew the other day. They gave him his very first virus-induced fever since he's been home. We're so proud!! Yes, Andrew did get sick...exactly what the big boys have. Only his included vomiting up his formula....occasionally on the floor. I had cleaned it up but the spot was still wet. Travis walked over it and asked, 'Who peed on the floor?' I'm not sure who he thought would do that since our older boys are very well potty-trained, and Andrew wears a diaper. And it certainly wasn't me. He also has a fever, cough, etc. but seems to be in pretty good spirits. He stills smiles a lot. I took him in to the doctor this morning to make sure he didn't have any other issues--I was a little worried about dehydration-- and, lo and behold, it was a miracle!! We got to the office and he smiled and kicked his legs at everyone he saw. Our doctor came in and it was the same thing, only he knew he wasn't feeling THAT well since he wasn't quite as manic as the last time he was in. Anyway, he's a baby with a cold, cough, and fever.

I took Charles in this afternoon--12:45 p.m. which is not a time I would ever willingly choose to bring my 3 year old, sleep-deprived, prednisone-laden son in to the doctor. He had a few behavioral issues while he was there. I took him down for a chest xray, and then returned to the doctors office with results. Good news!! He doesn't have pneumonia...just bronchitis and hyperinflated lungs. The latter is due to his asthma. Apparently, it is because the air goes into the lungs but has trouble coming back out causing his lungs to become hyperinflated. Very interesting to look at on the x-ray. He has been such a trooper taking his prednisone that I told him I would take him somewhere for breakfast tomorrow after his last dose. He is still having quite a bit of coughing, especially with activity, but is much better than even yesterday. He is still exhausted and asked to go to bed at 6:15 p.m. I was glad to oblige. He fell asleep in about 3 minutes which is very unlike him. He's a singing, tossing, turning, kick the covers and the wall before going to bed kind of boy.

Not much other news, except we are exhausted tonight. A few sleep-deprived nights with Charles took its toll. And now to start over with Andrew... well, let's just say they're working really hard to give us baggy, bloodshot eyes. Oh wait... we already have them. When we got home from the Clinic, the boys were tired and hungry and so was I . I ordered pizza for supper and it came before Travis got home from work. We talked about how we should wait and eat with dad....while we were eating!! Sorry Dad!! We were just too hungry. And then a good friend took pity on us and brought us a strawberry pie. Oh we are so lucky!! Thank you for the pie!!

He's finally sleeping!!

Remember how I commented on the boy's having colds in the last update? And, said they would likely do fine? Well, I was a little wrong. Henry has done fair. He's needing extra albuterol for coughing and wheezing, but is otherwise fine. Charles, on the other hand, is having a much harder time. I can't even begin to estimate how many times he's coughed since Saturday morning. It's incredible. He is going to have rock-hard abs by the time he gets well. We started him on prednisone last night as we're supposed to if he's not responding well to albuterol. Poor boy. Not only does it taste awful, and he has been taking it like a trooper, but it makes him so hyper. The only way I can describe Charles today is this: Imagine a 3 year old boy who has been sleep-deprived for 2 days-- a little cranky, whiney...I could go on and on-- and then imagine that every morning and night you let them drink a 24 ounce bottle of regular Mountain Dew. The one thing about prednisone and Charles is that it seems to put him in a fairly good mood. This offsets the crankiness from being sleep deprived from coughing all night long. However, it hasn't kicked in enough yet to lessen his coughing. But, I seem to have pumped him so full of albuterol that he was finally able to fall asleep at 9:15 pm. We'll see how long it lasts since I've heard 2 coughing jags since then.

Other than Charles, we're all doing fine. Andrew, so far, hasn't gotten sick. We are loving the warm weather, and I finally finished washing the winter coats, snowpants, etc. and putting them away.

Sorry I haven't had time to download any pictures. I'll try to do it in the next couple days.
Take Care!!!

A boy and a tree

I took these pictures this afternoon. I was in the house feeding Andrew and watching Henry out the window. He had an overturned pail next to this tree and he was trying to hoist himself up into it. The pail wasn't quite tall enough. But, he tried a few times before standing on the ground and looking at the tree and then looking at the pail. Look at the tree. Look at the pail. He thought about it for a couple minutes and then went over to where we had stacked the outdoor flower pots. He chose one, drug it over to the tree, and overturned it. It was just what he needed. He was able to hoist himself up. I went out to congratulate him, and he was so proud. 'Mom!! I climbed my first tree!' This was taken just as he made it into the tree.
This was when he was secure and able to stand up. Look at that face! He was so thrilled! And, so handsome.
Okay. Now how do I get down? He was going to jump but decided it was too far. Good boy!! He ended up asking for help. You can see his overturned pail and flowerpot next to the tree.

Not much news from here. Henry and Charles both have colds again. So we're administering albuterol round the clock. They seem to be having more wheezing and coughing than last time, but will likely be just fine. It was nice today so we managed to make it out. And, as you can see, the snow is nearly gone. Andrew had his 6 month well child check-up yesterday with 3 immunizations. He put on a great show for all the nurses and our doctor. He was full of smiles, babbles, and jumping. He's doing great and developing fine. He weighs 16 pounds and is 26 inches tall. We met dad for lunch after his appointment.

Baby James seems to be tolerating his new treatment fairly well for now. They say he tires easily, but has been playful. I'm not sure when they'll start radiation. They remain in the hospital for now...at least until the 5 day treatment session is over. They found out today that one of his medications is going to cost them $1200. Yes, that's right... one thousand two hundred dollars. Yikes!! It better be an incredibly effective medication. They have been hanging in there pretty well it seems. But, I think they must be very overwhelmed by this new turn of events, and the added costs. Honestly, who wouldn't be?

Baby James

Baby James went to the hospital today to start his new treatment regimine. Every 3 weeks he will undergo chemotherapy with 3 very toxic chemo drugs. He will remain in the hospital for 5 days for each cycle. He is also going to begin radiation. His blog told us that, yes, this was all horrible for his remaining kidney, but that they would worry about that later. It was more important to stop the cancer. The chemo drugs have many dangerous side effects as does the radiation. Please read his blog for all the details. A link to it is in my links section. Please remember to keep them in your prayers!!!!

Fun in the Sun!!

We had to include some fun photos we took this afternoon. It was very nice this afternoon, and we spent some time on the trampoline. I resisted titling this blog.."They finally caged us.' Or some such thing. Our Easter photos were very limited since the boys were not about to stay in dress clothes for pictures...and they were having a tough day with multiple meltdowns. Anyway, todays pictures made up for it. I love the perspective these gave us...and I really didn't try to do this!! Aren't these hilarious?
Henry standing on the neighbors house. We're not sure what he ate, but he didn't stop growing. We're lucky he didn't fall through the roof.
He decided to try to jump back into the trampoline. It was a long jump, but it looks like he'll make it just fine.
Oh, good!! Dad is going to catch him.
Charles just likes it when we jump around and he falls down.
Even Andrew liked it on the trampoline. We would just stand there and let the boys jump, and he would laugh.

As you can guess, Henry wasn't REALLY on top of the neighbor's house. But, just so you know. Travis would throw him up and then catch him on the way down. We didn't actually throw him up and then let him land on the trampoline. It was a great afternoon. And, it sounds like we're in for some colder, windy weather tomorrow with a chance of snow. Yikes!!

Our hardwood floor is done, the trim is back up, and now I have to finish touching up the paint. I'm not sure of the next project, but we're not going to start on it for awhile. We need to have a break so I can get caught up on the laundry, housecleaning, etc. that was neglected while we put in the floor.

**Baby James WAS able to have his liver biopsy today. No results as of yet, but hopefully they will know more tomorrow. Please keep praying for him!!**

If you click on the pictures they get really big and you can see close-ups of the boys faces.

Home Improvement

We started another home improvement project this week...installing hardwood floors in our dining and living room. I've come to realize (and I think my sister-in-law can vouch for this) that when you're married to one of the Paul boys home improvement projects are a way of life. I don't really mind since the results are always so nice. And, I've learned to lay linoleum, tile, laminate floors, and hardwood floors. I'm not planning to make a living this way, and I'm certainly not very good. Power saws scare me even though I can use them. It certainly is a good thing to grow up a farm girl. Our pictures are from the project. We brought in our boxes of hardwood and the boys thought they made a great stage. Here are the older Paul boys in concert.... Live and acapella. They really know how to belt out a tune.
Here they are again. If you look closely, you can see that Henry can really put on a show. For those of you who see the 'shy, quiet Henry'.... think again, folks. This is the real Henry!!
Mr. Safety Man. No...we did not really let him use the brad nailer. But, he got great practice learning to use a measuring tape.
Charles did a really great job lining up all the wood. Our type A son lined them up perfectly.
Here are the three of them posing for the camera. I'm surprised Andrew tolerates them so well. They are a little wild and noisy...most of the time...well, actually all of the time except for when they're sleeping.

We don't have much news. We did finish the flooring project tonight. Now, we want to start on the stairs. The carpet in the rooms we put hardwood, and on the stairs, landing, and our bedroom are all original and in questionable state. We have enough wood left over to do our stair landing, and apparently, per Uncle Gerad, the stairs are easy. I've refrained from ripping the carpet of the stairs all day. It is Easter tomorrow and Henry is terribly disappointed that we didn't decorate. We went to an activity at the Art Center today. It was making Korean wind chimes. It has been cold so we went a little early so the boys could run in the skyways downtown. They did great until we got over to the Art Center and Charles had a huge bloody nose. They did make wind chimes. Charles screamed when it was time to go and got another nose bleed. Poor boy looked like he'd been in a fight. We ran into some friends whose son is the same age as Henry. Zach and Henry came home about a month apart.

We're planning a quiet family day tomorrow after church. Henry wants to have an Easter Egg hunt which we will do.

***Baby James found out that the cancer has NOT spread to his lungs. He will have a liver biopsy this week. They are scheduled for Tuesday, but are hoping to be added onto Monday's surgery list. They are concerned because the chemo used to treat the liver cancer can be potentially toxic to his kidneys. James only has a portion of one kidney since the rest were removed due to the cancer. You can read their update on his site listed in my links. Please remember them in your prayers this weekend. This little guy has been through more than most people go through in a whole lifetime...and he just turned one!!

Wishing you all a wonderful Easter!!!

Please pray for Baby James!!

We've just received sad news that Baby James cancer has metastasized. You can read his blog on the link I have on our page. Please pray for him and his family. We are all completely shocked by this turn of events. They are needing our prayers and support more than ever right now. This little guy is amazing. It is awful to see him fighting so hard for something so many of us take for granted...life. Please..please remember him and his family in your prayers.

Food? You want me to EAT this stuff?

This is one of the expressions I get when it's time to eat.
This is the other one. Of course, there are times when he doesn't complain too much, but he is fairly uninterested in food right now. The best so far has been applesauce mixed with rice cereal. It was a food fest for him...he ate between 10-15 bites. Oh well. My guess is that he won't go to kindergarten drinking only formula from a bottle.
Henry with his chopsticks. He's doing well with them.
Charles, too, is liking to use his chopsticks.
Charles and Andrew.
Not much new here. We tore out the carpet in our dining room and are putting in hardwood. My home is in complete chaos right now. We had to move all the furniture and now, literally, all the rooms in my home are a disaster. I hope no one is planning to visit in the next week or so. You may not be able to walk in here. Since we've lived in this house, we've used only cell phones and had no land line. Today, through a special by Charter Communications, we again have a landline with unlimited local and long-distance calls. Tonight, Henry had to try out the phone and call Gramma and Grampa. When they got on the phone he kept asking what this phone was called.

It occured to me that our children had no memory of using a telephone with a cord. He couldn't talk very long since, for Henry, you have to be in constant motion when talking on the telephone. It's best to try to walk on all the furniture, jump from the chair to the stool, and hopefully stand on the cupboard while talking. Not much other news, a friend is having surgery tomorrow to remove a tumor from her thyroid gland. We are praying it will be benign.

Happy Birthday, Dad!! Min is 6 months old!!

Just a few pictures I snapped the other day before Andrew's bath. He LOVES his feet and always holds them when we take his socks off. Of course, I love his feet too. Who can resist baby feet and hands?
The boys frosting Dad's birthday cake. Henry's ended up designed like a basketball, and Charles' was very nice with a lot of blue frosting on one side. I love the concentration on their faces.
Andrew tonight when we went out for supper.

Not much to update lately. I've missed a few days because it's been so busy around with doctor's appointments. We are all well. Yes, it was Dad's birthday today. If you ever want to really embarrass someone, take them to Applebee's for supper and then ask about their birthday special. It's a free sundae with a very rousing birthday serenade by the waitstaff. It went something like this....'I don't know but I've been told... someone here is getting old. ....sound off..." There was more that I can't remember because I was laughing so hard. It was very embarrassing but... oh, well. It wasn't my birthday. And, yes... can you believe it? Our little Min Seong is 6 months old. WOW!! Where did the last 2 months go? It is amazing how much he's changed. He is so busy!! What a little maniac. He doesn't stop moving from the time he wakes up until he goes to sleep. I don't know how he's ever going to gain weight. He doesn't care much for solid food. It takes about 20 minutes to eat 10 bites. He loves to stand and jump...preferably with someone holding him. It's very good exercise for Mom's arms.

I went to a meeting last night for Camp Moon-hwa and my friend, Chris, gave me a copy of the pictures she took in Korea. I spent about an hour last night looking at them. I'm really missing Korea. It's amazing how you can be homesick for a place you visited for 5 days. Yes, homesick. It is my boy's homeland, and I guess it makes it a little bit my home too. At least that's the way it felt when I was there.

Shiny, Happy People Laughing!!

I didn't really do this on purpose...that the first picture really should be this one. Oh well!! I've never actually heard the song, 'Shiny, Happy People Laughing' but my husband said it was the team song for the Concordia Cobber Football team in Moorhead. We thought the title was appropriate for us today. (Sarcasm is dripping).
Our little gladiator. Isn't he scary? I always have to laugh when he dresses up like something scary because he always smiles. Henry gets into character and makes mean faces, but not Charles.
Oh, the fun of a big box. As you can see, we buy diapers in bulk at Sam's. I think Charles was pretending he was in a boat.
Henry is just trying to fit inside. What a great smile!

Oh yeah! I'm taking it easy. Henry and I laughed at this pose.

Not much new here. We had a very nice weekend. Good friends came over on Saturday for dinner. They have 3 little one's too about the same age as ours. They play really well together, so we actually got to have grown-up conversations. Not easy with 6 kids ranging from 5 months to 5 years (we had 5 1/2, 4, 3 1/2, 2, 7 months, and 5 months : D). Henry and Charles had appointments with our pediatrician on Monday...asthma follow-up. We go in about every 3-6 months unless they're sick. They've actually done very well this winter only because they've hardly been sick. We knew we were asking for it when we told him that. The next morning all 3 boys woke up with colds. We stocked up on kleenex, orange juice, and chicken noodle soup. So far they're doing pretty well, but I won't comment further since it's only been one day. They're behavior, on the other hand, was horrible today. Apparently there were multiple reasons which I won't go into, but it all seems to be sort of resolved. At least until tomorrow. That is why we posted with the title. All boys are sleeping now so we're much better. We're going to finish the day with the Wednesday Night Clothes Folding Party, and Lost. Mansei!!

Siolent Night, Holient Night!!

Apparently, with the 3rd child, you're much more relaxed. We bypassed all baby food and went straight for a giant pretzel. Oh, wait!! This is his favorite chewing toy...a giant rubber pretzel. It's perfect...the right size for his hand, the right size for his mouth. It was attached to a gift from a co-worker. Thanks!!
I just love this smiley face...crying face...serious face. It doesn't really matter...I love it. I still can't believe he's really ours. He's felt like our son since the moment we saw him, but I'm still so overwhelmed by how blessed we are. So many people come up to us and say...'Oh, they're (the boys) are so lucky!' What? Their birthmom couldn't parent them so they went to live with a foster family that they didn't know for a few months. In their baby minds they believe they're their family until some other people who look strange come and take them away on an airplane for an eternity. They come to a home where no one looks familiar, everything smells strange, and no one knows how to talk. They are permanently placed with a family in a country neither of which they got to choose. Wow! That sounds lucky to me. I'd say that WE'RE the most lucky, and the two most blessed people because we get to be their parents. Now that's lucky.
Min Seong eats!! His first bites of food. He spit most of it out, but has done better over the past couple days.

I'll explain the title. On Friday, we went to a friends home for dinner. I explained up front that we may have to leave a little earlier than usual since Andrew can only make it until about 6:30-7:00 p.m. before he starts to want his bed. We did great until, just like clockwork, 6:30 rolled around. We were able to keep him somewhat happy for about 1/2 hour before he began to ask for his bed in earnest. We got everyone packed up and headed to the 'train' (Charles name for the van). We got in and made it about 1/2 block before Andrew started crying, REALLY LOUD. This from a child who hardly ever cries. We told Henry, 'sing to him.' Henry started singing 'Rock-a-bye Baby,' and then switched to 'Siolent Night, Holient Night.' He did a great job, and we were so proud that we were able to keep our humor to silent chuckles. If you've ever heard your childs words to songs you know what I mean. Henry sang, 'Siolent Night, Holient Night. God is here. God is there.' ..... and then other words we didn't hear well. The most wonderful thing....Andrew stopped crying. Thank goodness we only live 1 mile away because we were about 1 block from home when Charles decided he was a train. The train whistle sounds coming from his mouth were NOT what Andrew thought was relaxing and he started crying again. We got home, up to his room with a nice bottle, and he was out in about 1 minute.

Sleeping boys

I had to put this picture in. When Henry was getting dressed, he grabbed Charles' jeans and put them on. You should have seen his face when he got them pulled up and realized they were WAY too short. I had to take a picture. Maybe capri's will be in style for boys.
Well, I am finally sitting at the computer and it is comnpletely quiet at 8 o'clock. This never happens. The boys were so worn from spending the past few days outside with a lot of extra exercise that it finally caught up with them. I laid down with Charles for about 5 minutes and he was sound asleep. I crawled up to Henry in the top bunk. I laid with him for about 5 minutes and he was sound asleep. All he asked me was, 'Why don't you grow whiskers?' And, then he fell asleep. I don't usually lay with my children until they fall asleep. I usually spend a few minutes with each of them after they are in bed to talk about their day...there was no talking tonight. Of course little Min is a different story. He sleeps great at night...no complaints there. But, he will sleep for only 1/2 hour at a time during the day. I did find out that when I put him in the front-pack he will fall asleep in about 10 minutes, and if he keep him there and move around he will keep sleeping for an hour or longer. My guess is that my little Korean son spent a lot of time in the podaegi in Korea. A podaegi is what Korean women use to attach babies to their back so that they are close when the mom is working around the house or doing errands. If you go back to my blogs from Korea, you can see Andrew in a podaegi with his foster mom. Henry and Charles both loved to be carried in the front pack as well, but they didn't seem to have so much trouble napping outside of it. Oh well. I guess it is a good bonding tool. I feel sort of naked without a baby stuck to me.
This has been our project for the past few days. The boys have been playing in the water for days. We've spent hours floating stick and leaf boats from the driveway to the drain on the corner. We even created a small dam by the mailbox for the boys to wade in . They thought it was great until they forgot that they shouldn't kneel. We did get the dam deep enough for it to be about 1 inch below the top of Charles boots.
Henry making a water dam.

We got to attend Baby James dol party. If you go to his blog, you can read all about it and see pictures. It was great fun. The boys didn't want to come home. And, we got to eat Korean food which is always a treat. We were honored to have been invited, and so thrilled to have been able to attend. Thanks Jen and Kelly!! As always, keep James in your prayers as he continues to fight cancer. He's an amazing, strong little boy and he has a wonderful family.

Our meeting

Andrew doesn't mind tummy-time so much if he can look at himself in the mirror. He doesn't particularly like it, but he doesn't complain too much.

Our meeting is complete, though I do have some unfinished paperwork to send in as well as the professional pictures that I pick up on Tuesday. I realized during the meeting that our home is a complete circus...zoo...animal house. You name it, that's what it is. Our social worker had done some other visits in La Crosse before coming here. She had another social worker with her who had worked with the families in La Crosse. Thank goodness they are so relaxed. (We have a really great social worker). The boys were INSANE!! Before they got here, Henry had tripped on the steps, fell, and had a big lip. Thank goodness we had time to clean up the blood. When they got here, the boys went wild. We were speechless. Henry, our usually shy, reserved child who we have to force to say hello to people, was talking nonstop, swinging swords, jumping off the couch, and chasing them around the house. Charles, of course, copies his brother. He decided it was time to show them how he can jump from the chair to the ottoman. Yikes!! ( I can remember when we did our homestudy for CHarles adoption, Henry was just 2. He was showing the social worker his room and then proceeded to show her how he could climb up the rocking chair and into his crib. We decided it was time to change him to a big boy bed.) He only did it once, and luckily he didn't hit his head on the entertainment center. He sat up in the social workers lap with his blanket. When they asked him if he liked his new brother, he proceeded to tell them about how he pukes all the time, and how he puked when he was a baby. What do you do? We started to laugh. When he started to talk about bowel movements, we changed the subject. Of course, they were so exhausted by the time they left that they sat nicely on the couch without saying anything. Charles asked dad if he could watch a little 'Polar Express' (his favorite because of the train) on the computer. A few minutes later I went to check on him, and this is what I found... an interesting way to fall asleep.

Lets just say that they slept very well last night. They talked about the social workers nonstop the rest of the evening, however. Apparently the behavior they showed while they were visiting is how they let someone know that they like them.

This is Andrew this morning. He has finally accomplished rolling over from front to back...and did it repeatedly whenever I put him back on his tummy. This was his expression when he saw how excited I was . What a great feat!!

We added a new member to our circle of friends on Monday. Our good friends, Lexi and Aaron, had another baby girl. We didn't find out until Tuesday, but Charles seemed to know on Monday night. When he was going to bed, out of the blue, he said, "I think Lexi is at the doctor so the baby can come out of her tummy." I laughed and said,'maybe.' The next morning I saw that I had a voicemail from the night before (Monday). It was Lexi calling at 8 pm (bedtime for the boys at our house) to tell us her daughter had been born. Interesting.

No other news for now!!

Take Care!!

Our Korean mothers

I have officially started working on post-pacement paperwork I. We have a visit from our social worker on Wednesday, and need to submit the required paperwork to Korea. The copy of the passport is easy. The progress report is also easy, just takes a little time. The letter to the foster mom. This should be fine...it's not done yet. The letter to the the birth family....well, that's a whole other story. Like my friend Chris, I struggle wondering what to say to the woman who just gave me a child. Thank you? It just doesn't seem like enough. Yes, I've done this twice before...but it never gets easier. As I got the boys ready for bed tonight, and rocked Andrew to sleep I spent a lot of time thinking about the women who gave me the chance to be a mom...who gave us a family. What a gift!! But I cannot imagine how incredibly difficult it had to have been. I try to imagine how hard things would have to be for me to make that same choice...and I can't do it. I can't imagine it. I can not imagine having to give my child to someone else. They were incredibly brave, and so much in love with their children. I have always hoped and prayed that one day we will get to meet them so they will know who we are, where their children are, and the kind of life they are leading. I hope they will be pleased. We've always wondered if they have gone to the agency to retrieve these letters that we've written and to see the pictures that we've sent. I try to send a letter and pictures every year always hoping that this will be the time they decide to respond. We have been so blessed to have such incredible kids. Of course, I think they are the most beautiful, wonderful people on earth...just like every mom thinks of her children. I think about how happy we are, and at the same time am reminded that in Korea there is a mom who is grieving for her child...our child. I can't imagine that they ever stop missing the child they weren't able to parent. I always pray that God will give them peace with their choice, and that He will give them comfort and the knowledge that their children are happy and well-cared for. If ever there are people who should be prayed for...it is the mothers who KNOW they aren't able to parent, who continue a pregnancy knowing they will not be raising this child, and who lovingly choose to give their child a life with a family who is able to parent. I think God must have a very, very special place in Heaven for these mothers.

You can click on the link to the P-B. It's not a different color, but it really will take you there.

Henry's in the newspaper!!

Henry's picture was in the newspaper yesterday. The boys daycare provider/preschool teacher has been caring for kids for 30 years. We managed to get the newspaper to do an article on her and they also took pictures. This is the link to the P-B article about her and to the picture of the kids. Charles, Chase, and Fleur were playing and weren't on the picture. Henry is there. This morning I showed it to him and he just sat there looking at it with no expression...shocked I guess. Then he just smiled and was so excited. He wanted to call Ja Neal right away to tell her, but he called Gramma and Grampa instead.

http://www.postbulletin.com/life/

Finally... a relaxing day.

I love that face!! He always looks like he's up to something. He usually is.
This is on the top of the snowpile between our house and the neighbor. It's probably 7 feet high. I love those smiles!
Henry is coming out the back entrance of the fort. You can actually slide right down into the fort. He informed me that you actually come out to throw snowballs and can then duck back down so you don't get hit.
Andrew doesn't really enjoy tummy time too much. And, after the first exciting roll-over with it's headline news....he's never done it again.
He is vain though....like all 5 month olds. He loves to look in the mirror. If you look closely, you can tell he's smiling because you can see his dimple.

Yes. Today was as relaxing as it can get with 3 boys. Travis went to study this morning as he always does on Saturdays. The boys and I hung out here and played. When Travis came home, we went to Fazoli's (a favorite of the boys....and us, too, for a fast-food restaurant) for lunch. Henry and Andrew crashed when we got home, and Charles just played in his room. Travis left again to meet with a group from school to work on a project. By the time everyone was up again, we all needed to get outside. It was a little chilly, but the boys bundled up well. Poor Andrew could hardly move. He was in his snowsuit with an extra cap and hood, in the front carrier, under my coat, with a blanket over the top. We weren't outside for 5 minutes and he fell asleep. The boys had a great time. Yesterday, Travis and Henry built a snowfort in the 7 foot tall snow pile between our house and the neighbors. Travis got home in time for supper. I was supposed to have an all-alone-mommy-mental-health-time today, but it never seemed to pan out. I finally said that I would be perfectly content if he put the boys to bed, and I got to have a Calgon-take-me-away bath with a good book. Well, I left for my bathroom and the only bubble bath I could find was Superman, berry-scented with a Superman bath puff ( I passed on the Superman foaming body wash in the shaving can). The bubbles were nice. You wouldn't be able to advertise the aroma as 'relaxing,' but you have to remember that it is Superman bubble bath. It worked for me. I made sure to leave the bathroom ONLY after the house had been quiet for 15 minutes. Then I had a good chance that the boys would be sleeping. Travis informed me that Charles had actually fallen asleep on the couch, and Henry had snuggled in just fine.

We heard from our pediatrician yesterday. Andrew's kidneys are fine, but he has earned himself a trip to the urologist anyway. We have an appointment for the end of March, but our pediatrician is going to see if they squeeze us in sooner.