Reflections

We decided to throw a couple old pictures in just to throw everyone off. This is Henry at about 18 months in our old house. He'd climbed up the couch and onto the ledge so he could look out the window. This picture is of Charles the day we brought him home. He's still wearing his travelling clothes. It's one of my favorite pictures.

We've actually had a hectic week. Andrew has been sick since Monday with a fever, cold, and a terrible cough. I took him in on Thursday to see our doctor because his fever had been so high and he would cough so hard that he would vomit. It's likely just a bad cold, but the doctor tested him for whooping cough. We have no results yet so we're keeping him quarantined until we do. This also meant that we had to cancel his birthday party for today. We were going to celebrate his tol, which is a Korean first birthday party. In Korea, the first birthday is a big celebration. His birthday isn't until tomorrow...well, I guess technically it is today since it's the 30th in Korea. Hmmm....maybe we should start having a Korean birthday the day BEFORE their birthday since that's actually when they would have been born, and an American birthday on the day. I'm sure the boys would LOVE that!! We decided to have his party on the 13th since we also finalize his adoption in court on the 11th. It will be sort of a double celebration. So, we were disappointed that we couldn't have his party, but the day of rest has done him well.

The days around their birthdays are always a little sad for us. We think about their Korean moms, dads, and families every day, but especially around their birthdays. And, ESPECIALLY around their first birthday. In a town in Korea today, there is a very sad mom and dad. And, of course, it makes me sad that she's sad. It's also made me think about how much sadness and grieving sorrounds adoption. Oh, yes....it's wonderful and we've been so truly blessed through adoption with 3 amazing boys. And, there is a lot of happiness in adoption. However, there is sadness for every person involved. Imagine their Korean moms' and realizing that you wouldn't be able to parent your child and having to hand them over to someone and not knowing where or with who they would spend their lives. Wondering everyday if they were happy, well, and thriving with their family. Missing their first words, steps, going to school. Not being able to comfort them when their sick? Yes, they can be happy that their children are living a life they may not have been able to give them, but the sadness is still there. What about the kids? Oh, yes... people say, 'They were just babies. They don't remember anything. They're not sad about their family.' I know that they ARE sad about their families. They DO remember. I've brought them home and held them while they cried for their foster families. I've listened to them ask me why their moms gave them away. 'Didn't they like me?' they say. Sometimes they're sad on their birthdays, Gotcha Days, their brothers birthday... And, then the questions start because they're thinking about and missing their Korean families. I feel badly for the kids because they have no control, and they're expected to be 'grateful.' They don't get to choose who to live with. They didn't choose to leave their homeland, their birthculture to join a family who looks nothing like them in another country. They didn't choose to live as the minority in their city, school, and church. My children are generally very happy, but they have/do/will greive their loss. And, yes, even we, the parents who gained so much, feel sadness because of adoption. For many, their sadness starts because of infertility. Thankfully, that wasn't the issue with us because, in all honesty, we could have had biological children. We chose not to partly because it wasn't that important to us. Our sadness stems from that of our children and their Korean mothers and dads and families. When our kids are sad, we're sad. We're sad for their moms and families because they are missing so many wonderful things. I was sad when I left Korea with Andrew. I felt like was robbing him and his brothers of a truly beautiful and amazing culture and country. I was taking them away from so many people who loved them. Oh, I know they're not at a loss for love. They're loved by so many I can't even count them all. I realized in Korea, that they're loved by people I have no idea even exist. But, I can't teach them to be Korean, and that makes me sad. Because, I truly believe that they need to know how to be Korean and what it means to be Korean. Thankfully, we have been blessed with a number of amazing Korean mentors who are making a huge difference in our lives. So, in spite of the sadness, we have experienced so much happiness and have been so blessed. We have the 3 most perfect boys, and we couldn't be happier.